part 2 of how i stole my ex-bfs girl and ''made her gay'' apparently
So, basically, Emily walks in, and at this point,
I already know shit’s about to go DOWN.
Jake turns around, sees her, and
his whole face shifts.
Like, this man is about to unleash
his final boss form.
Emily looks at me, looks at him,
and just SIGHS like she’s already exhausted,
which is valid because this is literally
HIS breakdown, not ours.
She goes, “Jake, leave.”
Jake goes, “WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE WITH HER???”
And Emily, being THE MOST
UNBOTHERED PERSON ALIVE,
just deadpans, “Because I like her.”
I SWEAR, this man almost threw a CHAIR.
I saw his soul LEAVE his body
for a second. This dude is so mad,
he starts PACING like he’s about to
deliver a TED Talk on how I ruined his life.
People in the café are
STARING.
The barista is literally reaching for her phone.
And then. OH MY GOD.
JAKE GRABS MY DRINK AND
THROWS IT AT ME.
YES. HE ACTUALLY THREW MY ICED
LATTE AT ME LIKE A DAMN REALITY SHOW FINALE.
I AM DRENCHED. I AM IN SHOCK.
EMILY IS GASPING. THE BARISTA IS ALREADY CALLING 911.
So now, I’m pissed. I stand up,
and before I can even DO ANYTHING,
Emily launches at him.
THIS GIRL FULL-ON TACKLES JAKE.
Like, shoulder down, full-force,
NFL-LINEBACKER TYPE BEAT.
THEY GO CRASHING INTO A TABLE.
PEOPLE ARE SCREAMING. THE CAFÉ MANAGER IS YELLING. THE POLICE GET CALLED.
Jake is on the floor, disoriented as hell,
and Emily just stands over him like a WWE champion.
The cops pull up SO FAST, and now we’re all getting questioned like we just committed tax fraud.
And THEN. AS IF THIS COULDN’T GET WORSE.
Jake looks DEAD at the cops and says,
“They jumped me because I’m straight.”
SIR. BE. SO. SERIOUS.
Now the cops think this is a damn
HATE CRIME CASE. I’m standing there
still covered in coffee, trying to explain
to the police that no,
we didn’t attack him for being straight—
Emily attacked him for being stupid.
Long story short,
Jake got banned from the café, Emily got a
“stern warning,” and I had to go home
smelling like dairy.
I’ll post part three when I emotionally recover.
btw search Priscilla storytimezz for more goofy shi like this