rant/ventttt: (TW criminal father also dad left me to get milk AGAIN) i lived with my dad for the first 7 years of my life. I loved him, he was my favorite parent. After he moved away, i would to go to his house during the summers bc he lived 18 hrs away. but not since 2023. apparently he went to federal prison? my mom wont tell me what he did or let me talk to anyone on my dad's side. And wow, i cant even remember the last time i talked to him. but now that im just finding out about all the ways he's manipulated me and my sister and my mom, i don't know if i ever want to talk to him again... i thought i could trust him. There's this hole in the wall, covered by a picture now. he told me that he tripped and caught himself with the wall. its exactly where my mom's head would be if she stood next to it. and now that im learning how bad child abuse actually is, im starting to remember more things that he did to me. i remember once when i was maybe four, i was crying on my bed and my dad was standing in the doorway on the phone. he asked me if i was scared of him. i said yes. and then he said, to the person on the phone, "she's scared of me now bc i hit her a little too hard this time." this might not all be true, since i can barely rermember, but it feels pretty true. especially the darkness of the room. anyway, i am extremely tempted to write him a letter explaining to him how going to prison can affect your child. I bet he cant even remember my face. i always looked forward to him getting to see me graduate elementary school, but no, he cant even do that? did he ever even love me at this point? and if he's like, "its not my fault i went to jail" bitch you did the crime. if i could tell him two things, it would be that i never want to see his ugly worthless face ever again in my life and i hope he's upset. he deserves it. and i cant even trust my stepdad fully bc he reminds me of my dad so much. anyway ik ppls got it worse, just had to get that out, sorry..